The year was 2011…

Once finished high school, I was so purpose driven

that I went looking for work right away.

After a swift rip off, I’ve been shipped off to Egypt as an Entertainer in the touristic villages.

I worked in Egypt and Cabo Verde, until I felt like I was ok to stay home for a while. So I went back to Italy trying to find a job, and I found a gig but in North Italy.

So I went away again, until I felt like my little sister didn’t have an appropriate guide and I went back to Firenze, where through a friend I started working as a waitress in a “posh” hotel in Firenze, in a beautiful Medici’s Villas..

Italy 2014-2017   

The year is 2014.

The hotel job was the first high paying job I had, for being 20, it allowed me to have a decent living, and though split between me and my brother, I manage to buy a car.

My first car, Cattammaranz.

Anyway, I reconnected with old friends and made some new ones, I was going back to my singing.

Yeah, that was the dream to make it big in the industry. Stupid!

I had a car, friends, stable job and I was singing a lot.

I was in a good place.

After a couple of years I left the job I was at and follow my Manager to another hotel closer to home, where I worked mornings ‘till lunch, sometimes dinner and others I provided evening entertainment.

In this period I was training a lot in preparation of the upcoming success. Singing while dancing ain’t no joke.

But I couldn’t run more than five minutes. My legs and my lungs would start to burn begging me to stop, I didn’t smoke back then.

I just thought running wasn’t for me.

All, now obvious, signs of something being wrong but I was working 16 h a day, it could have been just exhaustion.

I was very aware of my body, always listen to it to see when it tells me to stop.

And I was doing that.

But I didn’t know what I know now, innit?

My at the time vocal coach proposed a contest, where he was one of the judges.

You’ll think mafia ah?

Nope didn’t succeed!

I even put on a whole show made the choreography from scratch, costumes from scratch while working 16 h a day, I just made it as far as the semifinal’s second round.

You have to understand that was my dream!

I took heart in the fact that I was already working to move to U.K. and let them have the last word on the matter.

So I packed up and move all alone to a new random place in the world London.

Back to Italy…

The enthusiasm I had coming back got abruptly stopped by a tore ligament. This happen in February 2018 and it forced me to stay in Italy.

This period was a dark one.

Just came back to London, abandon the singing dream and I can’t relate anymore with my “so call friends”.

The injury kept me from participating in group activities, and walking with the crutches was painful, remember that I had an arm that was already out of service.

So, I got stuck in the house, with stairs and none of them would come pop by to say hi or check on me.

A handful of newer ones and older ones, stayed around though and ARE still around.

At the time I couldn’t appreciate what I had because I was to focused on what I didn’t have.

Long story short, I was depressed for a long time, explored cooking and guided my little sister like I feel I had to.

I wasted all my savings that were meant for Spain, in rehab and private surgeon visits and in around June 2019 I had reconstructive surgery on the beautiful Lago di Como, nonetheless. Just to snap it in the car on the way back home.

But I didn’t know back then, so went on with the program and although not completely healed, I was willing to try out going back to work.

When I saw I could do something I needed opportunities, and everybody won’t take you, if you told them “ I can stand for 5 min, can’t run or lift anything heavy”. So… I recently reconnected with a friend that was now in London, and told me that if I wanted to go and stay with her until I sorted myself out I could. So as of November 2019 I was back in London…

Hospital terrace

Time for changes….

The incident with the ankle was the first test of my support system, and this was the second one. I was traumatized and I needed a place were I could feel safe, so I went back home for a few months, to recover.

I asked my friend and family patience to come back to them and meet when I was ready.

I took refuge in spending time with my dog and nature, which always helped me calm down.

I isolated for months, only with my brothers, making my footprint in the city as small as I could.

I finally managed to chop off all my hair, and I felt refreshed. The virus I had taken had me lost half of my weight and I felt “skinny” for the first time.

I didn’t like that.

If I loose weight, I’m not ok.

My body was build to be on the chubby side, and I don’t like seeing my curves go away.

Anyway, step by the step I rebuild myself, but as we all know, even if you glue the piece together, the mug would still be crocked and scarred.

My trauma was so deep that although I KNEW I looked banging with a shaved head, this was still Italy and people judge a lot.

It made me stronger.

What happened, helped me identify some patterns in my behaviours and thought processes, and I ended up doing a lot of self-reflections.

There I discovered about Narcissism as a personality disorder and my tendency to co-dependence, which of course, was installed in me in my early years.

Before leaving London, though, I was re-evaluating my options. My leg and arm were still not ok, and beside working on set, there wasn’t much I could do.

I tough of all my talents and qualities. And I realized that a lot of my friends would come to confide in me or ask for help.

I had this conversation with a friend, once back in Italy and when I said something on the line of “I should look into that” and she brought up counselling.

After looking it up, I decided that I was going to get my life together, and be the first of the family to have a degree!

In psychology NONETHELESS!

So I looked up Greenwich University and found a course.

Now I just need to be back in the city, to finalize the details.

I felt good enough to stand on my own to feet, I looked up a room and went back to London.