THE NEW ME

Going through a natural disaster is devastating.

You work you whole life to build your house and just 1 tsunami can tear it down in seconds.

That’s how it felt.

The July following by diagnosis, I was going to spend my summer holiday in Italy.

We had planned to go up North with my brothers for one of my sisters birthday present.

Can you imagine?

On a MOUNTAIN RIDING HORSES! AH!

Right before that, I had another relapse and basically pushed the stuff to release me so that I could go.

Because in that moment I had understood what I was facing.

I may be able to do it today, but no tomorrow.

And as always, I was right.

I’m glad I got to horse ride on my own, one last time.

When I got down from it, I was unable to stop the shaking and spasms. So much so, that during dinner in a restaurant, I couldn’t keep my legs from moving.

Eventually it settle down a bit and I went back to work at the College way earlier that I expected to do a job that wasn’t part of my job description.

I hate when that happens.

So, long story short, I got stressed so much that I had a relapse at work.

It took months to clear up and recovered, but after every relapse I was a little bit less myself.

I couldn’t believe or accept the fact that this is what it is but how is it that it is?

I tried to go back to work on a reduced schedule, but even that wasn’t working.

I realized fairly fast that STRESS was a big trigger of mine.

To reduce it, I stopped everything.

I stopped working and stop studying.

I started meditation and, for a minute there, I though what I read was true.

A friend of mine gave me the book

“ Becoming Superhuman” that talks about meditation but from a scientific point of view, explaining how every body has what it needs to fix itself but needs energy to do it. Through meditation you are able to focus those energy.

I know it sounds like SCI-FI, but find out more here.

I started the treatment about February and since then I was unable to pin point relapses, which I don’t know if it’s good or not.

By the time I started the treatment I had already collected a few disabilities that overtime seem to get worse even without relapses.

It dawned on me that I had to follow my body even more than before, and pushing the limits is one way to do it.

I communicate what I need form the people around me and let them know that if I need help, I’ll ask.

They don’t believe me.😅

In their defence, they know me, and know that I had to come to the brink to admit that I needed more help.

And here we are.

My life stayed on hold until I decided to start this blog, which took a village, literally.

I came to term with what I can and cannot do and deal.

The social pressure that makes you feel some type of way because you should be working, is starting to disappear.

The situation is what it is, and there is no point going against it.

Card games and home visit are the only things that I can say for certain even though I might have a time limit for it.

Hanging at the park when the wheatear allows it.

Going outside, right now when I can still walk somewhat, makes my skin itch but, again, it is what it is.

I’m constantly reassessing the situation and make adjustments.

If you told me I was going to be where I am now, a year ago, I would have laugh.

And now I’m making you laugh with me at a situation that has nothing funny about it.

It’s still me but at the same time it ain’t, how can it be?!?

Now that you are ready, you can jump to the blog.

THERE IS NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT THIS!

WHAT IS HELPING ME

  • The first time I ever gave it a try is after the London incident in 2019.

    The friends that was kindly offering me a provisory home, gently pushed for me to meditated. This was the time of panic attacks depression and emotional abuse, so you see I was quite distress. My friend would
    inadvertently trigger me, the poor thing.

    But meditation was working as in calming me down, so I tried to keep it up once back in Italy, but as always I eventually stopped.

    And then, just last year another friend gifted me a meditation workshop she hosted.

    I was starting to feel attuned to the practice but being skeptical of the “benefits”, beside calming me, it wasn’t doing much. And I could barely do 5 min.

    Early in the summer 2024 I was bawling my head of to a friend about the condition and the way the situation was turning out with MS and he said like “You ain’t got nothing but time. Give it a try and read this book. Becoming Superhuman. Now, he knew I was skeptical and needed scientific proof of what he was saying.

    We make an agreement to keep the practice up and I’m a woman of my word.

    So I started and after a couple of week my legs were working better for longer.

    Might have been the meditation as it might not, but then I went in holiday and it got worse again.

    I was stressed the whole time and knowing stress is my trigger I told myself to do better once back.

    It takes time and practice.

    I’m not looking for alternative treatments and I’m not suggesting meditation works yet.

    Follow the blog to see how it goes.

  • Having fixed times and pressure to complete tasks is not something I deal with very well.

    Therefore working at the moment wouldn’t be good.

    Before I stopped everything I had 3 relapses after, none.

    I try to avoid anything that I know may stress me out, therefore I don’t go out much 😅

  • No clubs and Saturdays out for me.

    The low tolerance I have towards my body when outside is very low and this makes me irritable from the minute I live the house.

    I try to play it down a couple of times, before accepting that maybe hanging out busy environment is not for me anymore.

    So I mainly meet friends through house visits, docs appointments and the occasional park hang out.

  • Music and I have been in a relationship before I started singing.

    It’s been steady with me throughout and never faulted.

    So, I listen to my music while drinking coffee to get the juices for the day flow and while I work at the pc.

    When I feel overwhelmed I sing it out. Yes, music is a +.

  • This was something I’ve noticed back in 2019. I ‘m steadier when I have somewhere to go. Meaning when I have a goal or objective at least I know where I’m going, and this website is this for me. I just have something to do instead of feeling like wasting my days reading and watching movies.

  • I had to learn earlier on to communicate my needs and in the last couple of months I personally made a few progress in this. I don’t have problems speaking my mind but when it comes to admitting I can’t do somethings alone, it just buggs me, so I avoided it for a long time.

    Well now I DON’T HAVE A CHOICE.

  • When I’m are depressed and have to meet up with friends, not everybody will understand my constant bad mood. I never really have good news to share and my life is not that busy. So everytime I end up spending all the time with my friend complaining about my condition and the adjustments I need to make. Real friends stay close, but they also need some respite from all the bad news.

    So from time to time, some friends may go underground and come out when they feel like they have enough energy to deal with whatever I’m going to bring. Now, I assess with myself every time I have to meet someone. If I don’t have anything good to say, I don’t say nothing and keep the conversation on them or general subjects.